Sorry for not keeping up to date with my blog but it has been a busy week for us but a very good one. I will get to that in a bit, first I would like to get up to date to let you know how we got to where we are now.

After the initial shock had set in and the official results had come back from Leeds confiming that S had Downs Syndrome or Trisomy 21 as it is also known, this is the form that 94 percent of children that have downs are diagnosed with.
Safi ended up with jaundice and because I was not thinking straight and neither of my other 2 children had this when they were babies I automatically associated it with the fact she was downs (obviously now sanity has set in I know this was not the case). As you can see from the photo above she is perfectly happy laid there and getting a tan :-). She stayed on this for 2 days and I was lucky that this light worked and that she stayed with me on the maternity ward and did not need to go up to NICO (neonatal intensive care unit). We were then discharged after 5 long days in hospital. I was so pleased to be going home and starting our new life with all 3 sisters together. Her big sisters S and H were so pleased that we were home and it was such a relief to finally get home.

Finding out Sapphire had Trisomy 21

ok so I am back sooner than I thought :-)

December 29th came and I was soooo nervous and scared about going into hospital, they aren't my most favourite of places. My mum was my birthing partner and I honestly could not tell you who was more nervous about the operation, her or me.
The waiting in the hospital was the worse thing as by now I was so excited and just wanted to know if my baby was a girl or a boy. The doctor and anesthetist had been to see us and explained the whole operation to me. It was going to take no longer than 45 minutes.
It was finally my turn and I was taken into the theatre while my mum went and got her gowns on, she even asked me if I would take a photo of her in her scrubs lol.  I was so proud of my mum as she even looked as they were trying to pull her out, my mums face was a picture :-)
At 12.35 pm I had a beautiful baby girl weighing 8lbs and 8oz, she was gorgeous and had so much hair, obviously tears of happiness were flowing to see that she was healthy. When they had cleaned her and weighed her they bought her back to me, the midwife who was called Clare said she was just going to get the pediatrician to look at her just because she was a bit floppy, she told me this was common with baby's born by cesarean, the reason being they haven't been squeezed when going through the birthing canal so they may still have mucus to bring up, so I thought nothing else about this.
They had given Sapphire (this is what I had decided to call her because she was a special gem to me) to my mum she came across really dizzy and had to hand Sapphire to the anesthetist and she went out. I was told she was ok and that she was having a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
I went into the recovery room for about half an hour and was lucky to be able to take Sapphire in with me. Clare (the midwife), I had been told that I probably wouldn't be able to. Everything was perfect :-)
When we went back up to the ward the doctor came to look over Sapphire, I asked him if everything was ok but he told me we had to wait for a room before he could tell me anything, I can't even explain to you what was going through my mind, my mum was with me and by then Sapphires dad was there (he lives about 300 miles away from me). I was so scared and when I asked the doctor if it was serious he replied with the same answer about needing to find a private room, I felt like my world was falling apart and all I could think was that she was going to die.
It felt like a lifetime before I was wheeled into the room. Then I heard these words and I felt like my whole life had been turned upside down "we need to take a blood test as clinically I believe she has down syndrome"(also known as trisomy 21). It was surreal, I felt like it was happening to someone else and I was just looking in. My first thought was her heart as I knew it was common for children with downs to have heart defects, he told me he didn't know anything yet and he needed to take her bloods and taxi them through to Leeds.
I was now inconsolable, all I knew was that I loved my daughter with all my heart and I had no idea what sort of life she was going to have. How could they have not known straight away, I thought I was ready for hearing the news as I knew I was high risk, but nothing in the world could have prepared me for finally hearing those words. We were all in tears by now, even Clare, no one knew what to say, all I could do was cry as they took Sapphire out the room to take her bloods. They told me I would get the results back on Saturday morning, but I knew that she had it, I could see it in her eyes and I had even commented when she was born saying that she looked oriental. Her name Sapphire suited her more than ever now as she was more precious than ever, I had been told in the operating theatre that I wasn't able to have anymore children so Sapphire was my little miracle :-)

Finding out I was pregnant

When everyone had told me that life began at 40 I never imagined that I would be giving birth to new life. I had always wanted another child but as a single parent to 2 other girls Summer who is now 12 and Harmony who is 10 (11 next month) I had decided that I was too old to have another child and with Summer and Harmony being the age they were, starting again was a scary thought. I had just spent seven years doing my honours degree in child care and finally getting my Early Years Professional status, I loved my job which was managing a local pre school. My life was perfect and I had got to where I wanted to be.
In the April I found out that I was pregnant, I went through all different emotions, my main thought was about what other people would think. I knew that I could manage and their was no other option in my mind but to have the baby, I was scared to say the least.
I went for all the tests including the blood tests to see if my child had down syndrome, I had my results back of 1 in 200 chance. I just thought that anyone could be that one and no matter what I would have my baby so I didn't have the anmio test.
I was booked in for a cesarean on the 29th December because my other 2 daughters had to be by cesarean too.
The pregnancy was hard and I had morning sickness for the first time, I was so big that I felt like the baby was hanging out quite alot of the time, obviously it wasn't :-). I really did feel my age. I moved house at about 30 weeks pregnant as a bigger house came available.  I took it as both my girls wanted their own rooms and it wouldn't have been possible in the house we were in.
I had so much support throughout my pregnancy from my family, children and friends. I could never thank them enough.

I am going to have to blog off now as I need to grab sleep so that I can function in my old age with all the night feeds :-)